Sex Toys That Suck

Great-Grandmother’s Ol’ Trick Pony

DollfaceKilla — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 06:21:22 +0000

Millicent allowed herself only three great passions: Needlepoint, racism and vigorous Horse-Action.

Pleasurists #108

DollfaceKilla — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 00:43:55 +0000

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #107? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #109? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form and submit it before Sunday December 19th at 11:59pm Pacific.

Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Contest: Eden Fantasys Gift Card! Deadline: December 14th @ 9pm Eastern.
Win a set of Ethera Silk Cuffs Deadline: December 14th.
A Very Merry Chrismukkah Giveaway Deadline: December 15th @ Midnight Central.
Win A Groovy Chick Deadline: December 15th.
Jimmyjane Little Gold Deadline: December 17th.
Sextoys.com’s Tantus Wonderland Contest Deadline: December 19th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
P.S Paris Style Giveaway Deadline: December 20th.
Sex Therapy Kit for Lovers Giveaway Deadline: December 20th.
Holiday Contest! Deadline: December 20th.
Win New Years Eve Baci Lingerie and Eyelashes from Avelli Inc. Deadline: December 20th.
Win the LELO Etherea Cuffs! Deadline: December 31st @ 11:59pm Pacific.
Double Your Fun in 2011 – Win 52 Weeks of Romance AND Naughty Nights Deadlin: December 31st.
Better Than Mistletoe – Win an Ophoria Combo Pleasure Pack Deadline: December 31st.
Holiday Giveaway | Win The LELO Etherea Cuffs! Deadline: December 31st @ 11:59pm Pacific.
Love and Lust Giveaway Deadline: January 1st.
Ring in the New Year With Style Deadline: January 1st @ 10pm Central.
Win Babeland Satin Bondage Set Deadline: January 3rd.

Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?
e[lust] #21

Editor
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

P.S. Paris Style by buzzvibe
LELO Elise by Mistress Kay
Butterfly Kiss by Naughty Snow White
Butterfly Kiss by Beanfiddler
Butterfly Kiss by Elodie
Waterproof Slender G by Mr. Marvelous
I Rub My Duckie Bondage by Screaming Violet
Rabbit Pearl by buzzvibe
Ultra 10 Rocket by Joanna Cake
Jimmyjane Form 3 by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
Jimmyjane Form 3 by Epiphora
Groovy Chic by Shay
Groovy Chick by Dr. Ruthie
LELO Isla by Epiphora
JeJoue G-Ki by Pretty Power Tools

Dildos

Anal Toys

Toys for Cocks

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

Good Clean Love by Sammi
Blossom Organics Warm Sensation by True Pleasures
Kama Sutra Intimate Moments by Beanfiddler
Pjur Med Energy Glide by True Pleasures
Edible Body Chocolate by Beanfiddler
Yes by Femenina Deliciosa

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books/Games

Adult DVDs & Porn

Sex Furniture

Lingerie

Fishnet Dress and G-String by ~LaUr3n~

Miscellaneous

Whoop that trick.

DollfaceKilla — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 02:29:41 +0000

You can imagine my relief when I found out the Size Queenz Hollow Strap-On is phthalate-free.

: 10 by 2 inch blades on this Impala.

It will be one less thing to mention on the way to the ER. Now bend over and breathe into it Honey, I know we can do this.

I used to like Ginger Ale.

DollfaceKilla — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 20:06:48 +0000

Interesting factoid: If you discuss going down on a woman near a gay man he’ll shudder like you’ve just walked over his grave. If you’re wondering why, this is what he’s picturing.

OK guy who designed this thing, I think I’m getting your message. “Pussies are scary and repulsive.” Seriously, did you have to drive the point home with weeping hogwarts and a fucking bandaid? I could dwell on what I imagine your mangina to look like but that craft project would require an old distended tube sock and a glitter gun (neither of which I possess.) What I’m saying is that you have a loose caboose.

Sulu will call your shit out.

DollfaceKilla — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 17:39:07 +0000

Anti-gay Arkansas School Board Member Clint McCance gets a tongue lashing from George Takei. Ahh..the irony.

Reptile Love

DollfaceKilla — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 23:17:55 +0000

There it is, a scaley centerfold laying there in the sun. Just look at that broad snout and those spiney osteroderms – what a tease.

Fancy a death roll?

Ahh..the life of a gator fetishist is a solitary one but you wouldn’t trade it for anything – not even a new limb! How many times did you find yourself trying to explain away the smell of swamp water to your wife? The solo vacations to the Everglades? The assless Steve Irwin costumes? She didn’t understand.

Nobody will ever understand. Except Zeta Paws, makers of the Dolphin, Oskar the Horse, and this:

Crikey, this is exactly what you think it is.

Take me down to the Emerald City

DollfaceKilla — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 16:30:01 +0000

Back in the 90′s HBO’s OZ was the most romantic thing on television. OZ: The roller-coaster relationship of Beecher and Keller, my hairy Romeo and Juliet. OZ: A delirious love romp through a concrete buttsex meadow. OZ: The greatest motherfucking love story ever told.

Keller: I’ll see you.

Beecher: When?

Keller: Back here. Or in heaven.

Beecher: You really think we’re gonna get into heaven?

Keller: Ah, you and me together. God doesn’t have the balls to keep us out.

Shanks for the memories.

Just thinking about it gives me the chills, much like this 14 inch OZ Dildo from TSX Toys.

"Tobias, your ass belongs to me."

It’s during those quiet moments when I’m sipping on an International House Cafe Suisse Mocha and gazing out my bay window at a magnificent sunset that..you know.. I realize I’ve just Shillengered myself on 2 feet of latex and I should probably go to the ER. That’s when I really miss OZ.

Show me your genitals

DollfaceKilla — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 15:30:35 +0000

Jon Lajoie can shove his fist in my childhood dreams.

Pleasurists #85

DollfaceKilla — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 18:54:47 +0000

The Power’s Breaking Loose by vishstudio

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #84? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #86? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then use our submission form and submit it before Sunday July 11th at 11:59pm PDT.

Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Fairy Pocket Mini Giveaway Contest Deadline: July 7th @ 12pm Pacific.
Win a $50 Gift Card to Eden Fantasys! Deadline: July 8th @ 11:59pm Central.
Hot Summer Nights Giveaway Deadline: July 11th.
Lustre Vibe Giveaway! Deadline: July 15th.
TabuToys.com “Economic Stimulus” Contest Deadline: July 23rd.
Ask Amanda Anything! Deadline: August 1st.
Grab Yourself a Party Favor! Deadline: August 2nd @ 11am Central.

Editor’s Pick

Fun Factory Bootie by Hamilton Hexx

Shake, shake, shake….shake your Bootie!

It’s not very often that I can look at a toy and go “Awwwwww”, but the Bootie from Fun Factory has a serious cute factor to it. Maybe it’s just the name of the toy, Bootie, that makes me smile. Maybe if it was named the Destroyer or Annihilator it would lose its cute factor

Note: Now due to this review I have “Shake Your Booty” stuck in my head. That’s not enough for you? Well, it’s also well-written and features an image of Fun Factory’s strangest side-of-the-box warning. Check it out.

Editor
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?
e[lust] #16

On to the reviews…

Vibrators