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A new slant on lovemaking?

Press Release-August 12, 2009

Nasstoys* has set their sights on the lucrative Racist Fuckwit market with their new offering: The China Vagina. This exciting new toy boldly incorporates the latest in high-technology design, with ancient schoolyard myths about sexual satisfaction..

 

A new "slant" on lovemaking.

No need to turn your head sideways. It's really slanted.

 

While on the lookout for new market niches, the company states it found its inspiration in a most unexpected location: The concession line of a Lynyrd Skynyrd reunion concert. Says a spokesman for Nasstoys,

 “As I recall I was trying to buy a funnel cake and a Miller Lite. They were about to launch into Freebird when I heard a sudden commotion. It was a drunken man..using his fingers to pull his eyes into Asian-style slits while making “Ching Chong” noises much to the delight of his friends.. Genius. He then went on to loudly proclaim that Chinese pussy was “slanted.” The response was extremely positive and there was even some back slapping. Someone without vision might have seen a hotbed of bigots. What I saw was a hotbed of bigots with money! That’s when the bell went off.”

When pressed to respond to accusations of racial insensitivity he had this to say:

“Look, Nasstoys has always been an innovator in the sex toy industry. The concept of slanted pussy is an extremely popular notion in trailer parks and state fairs across this great nation. Are you going to question the values of our Heartland? Anyway, who but Gold Bond medicated powder or Fox news has ever bothered to target this demographic? Granted, these individuals may not possess politically-correct or even remotely accurate views of female genitalia, but who are we to judge? We’re here to give the customer what they want, and that is a happy ending.”

Relieves the painful chafing and swelling (of using sideways vagina.)

Relieves painful itching and chafing. (Common side effects of China vagina overuse.)

Happy ending, indeed. We found one such satisfied Birmingham customer on his front porch washing his socks in a bucket. “When I first seed it I said, hey-Billy Bob-din’t I tell ya? Them yeller pussies is all sideways-like! Sell the pig cause I got’s to have me sum a that! Yuck-yuck..”

Another customer we found protesting “socialized healthcare” at a town hall meeting wasn’t quite so sure: “How come this feels just like my sister? My sister aint no gook!”

Slanty poon 

Ambitious to capitalize on popularity of the China Vagina, Nasstoys now has plans to develop even more products that embrace offensive racial stereotypes. Look for the “Nail Salon Technician” Inflatable Doll and “Me put Pee Pee in your coke” personal lubricant at a Piggly Wiggly near you.

 

*Disclaimer: The contents of this article are satirical (though the China Vagina is tantalizingly real.) My thanks to Nasstoys for making the kind of products that will give me material for the next decade. Me love you long time.

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