Edible Undies: Providing awkward moments since 1975

Have you ever wondered sort of person actually buys edible underwear? Let’s peek in on this Wasilla housewife and find out.

Hi Sweety, Welcome home! How was your day?

“Why am I dressed like this” you ask?

 Oh Todd, what a silly question. These happen to be my new edible undies. I bought them from that place we picketed out by the airport. -wink!-

What do you mean, “Why did I encase my love clam in stale fruit leather?“

Jeez, did you fall off the snowmobile again? My intense repression and infantile approach to sex, of course!  Thanks to my religious programming it’s impossible for me to actually vocalize what I really want. And what I really want is for you to risk the fires of h-e-double–hockey-sticks to give me some..ahem.. “lip service.” Hence the stale fruit leather panties.

Are you getting the picture yet?

What on earth do you mean “Why don’t I just come right out and ask for it?”

Remember what the Pastor said! And by josh, you know I can’t even say the word “vagina” without giggling like a hysterical idiot. By the way- if your lips just happen to graze my nether regions while you nibble I can’t be held spiritually accountable. You, on the other hand, will be committing an abomination against God. An abomination.

Eternal damnation never tasted so good.

 Hope you brought your appetite!