Have you ever wondered why they don’t make more sex toys that look like something you’d shoot on the 5th level of DOOM Resurrection? Say hello to the Concubine Masturbator. This serial killer’s fever dream comes to us from TSX Toys, a company who I assume bases their operations deep in the badlands of a nuclear testing site.
If this turns you on the FBI will probably want to see the contents of your refrigerator.
Is there really a man in the world that wants to feel more teeth during a blow job? I’ve never had to ask that question until I discovered the Count Cockula Fleshjack.
Obviously, vampires are trendier than bacon right now thanks to shows like True Blood. I get it. Really, I do. I’ve seen better acting on Saved By the Bell and yet I watch this show with the same religous fervor that makes lonely cat ladies watch the Young and the Restless. I mean, you’d think this show’s target would be Goth chicks who compulsively snack on toilet paper, yet here I am watching the annoying little girl from “The Piano” clomp around the deep south in Keds on the off chance I might see this guy:
Damn you, Sheriff of Area 5.