Archive

Posts Tagged ‘sex doll’

YOUR FACE SUCKS

I’ve always wondered what the female equivalent to a douchebag is and I finally have my answer: The Duckface. Oh Angelina Jolie, what hath your lips wrought?

Ladies, ladies, when a camera is pointed in your direction what strange force compels you to poke your lips out like a bad imitation of a sex doll?  You aren’t convincing the world that you’re a peace-sign flashing celebrity with collagen and cocaine on tap. You are the living embodiment of a hemorrhoid. Please stop.

Want to see more fake tans and desperation? Check out the informative Stop Making That Duckface or it’s hilarious white-trash cousin at Bumpit Sightings.

Jesus built my sex doll

November 12, 2009 Leave a comment

carrie sex doll

Is it just me or does this inflatable doll look cheap and unrealistic?

So you think you want a Sex Doll.

Real girls are so overrated.

They’re always trying to play with your head with teasers like “Your restraining order says 100 feet” or “Stand back I have mace.” What’s up with the mind games? What you need is a simple girl. A sweet young thing from the land of perpetual spring break.

A co-ed with butt cheeks like twin scoops of vanilla ice cream.

"HSsssssssssssssssssssssssss."

"Hsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss."

Now she awaits you silently on your bed nestled safely in her cardboard box. Only $49.95. Score!

You smile inwardly and slowly tiptoe into your bedroom, peering through your fingers in a little game of peek-a-boo. You’re spontaneous like that. A real fun guy. You know she wants it just as bad as you do but she barely makes a sound. You’ll have to punish her later for playing hard to get.

Your erection is raging with an insistence you can’t deny. You unzip your fly and with one free hand you tear open the lid. Go ahead, take her by her curiously Kewpie-doll like hair and show her who’s boss!  Now you will reveal your true love, your heart’s true companion and come face to face with….

  Read more…

Categories: Sex Dolls Tags: ,