WE HAVE A WEINER

Behold, the Banana Bunker: Protector of bruised fruit, comforter of lonely housewives and grand prize winner of our “Household Sex Object” Contest!

Ribbed for your pleasure.

No, Dole isn’t cornering the market on marital aids. The Banana Bunker is marketed as a lunchbox accessory ostensibly designed to protect bananas from bruising. Which brings me to my next question: What’s up, Choosy Moms? Little Timmy not getting his daily dose of schoolyard beatings? If you’re really concerned about his “bruised fruit” perhaps you shouldn’t send him off to face the playground bully with this ridiculous cooch-baster protruding from his backpack.

As for you, Little Timmy- Did your Mother put this in your lunchbox? Run, Boy, RUN! Run for the hills! Run while you still can! There’s always the circus.

-Congratulations D-Ray and thank you for your fruity submission. You win prizes.