Oh Sandy.

Let’s go way back to a time when John Travolta was this thing called a “sex symbol” and not the man-kissing canned ham you know today. What if Grease had been shot as a porn and Olivia Newton John was replaced with Sandy? And by “Sandy” I mean Sandy the beige pocket pal from Doc Johnson. Danny’s serenade to Sandy might have taken on a different tone. 

A different tone indeed.

“Stranded at the porn shop
Feelin’ like a tool
Why won’t they change that “no returns” rule?

Oh Sandy..can’t you see I’m in misery

I wonder why-yi-yi your cho cho looks like

Sigmund Freud’s Goateeeeee…”

OH SANDY.